Learn to speak your partner’s language to become even closer to each other.
Different people like completely different expressions of attention and love. Everyone has their understanding of how they want to be treated. This is a kind of mother tongue, which by no means always coincides with the native language of the partner. By the way, if you are looking for your life partner christians online apps will help you with it.
For some people, the true manifestation of love is constant care and help, for others – signs of attention in the form of surprises, gifts, and flowers. For some, all this seems unnecessary if the partner is never around.
It is useless to explain to someone in love in one language if your partner only understands in another language that differs from yours. Therefore, to be heard and understood, you must speak to your companion in one language.
What are the languages of love?
What to do if you want to be presented with flowers and gifts, saying compliments, but your young man does not understand it? Is it possible to learn the language of your partner? In search of answers to these questions, I came across Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages.
Chapman breaks down the concepts of falling in love and love. Falling in love is a temporary emotional outburst that comes unexpectedly into life and just as unexpectedly out of it. Love is a choice, an act of will that requires discipline and recognizes the need for growth. You try for the other person, and if you succeed, you are happy that you truly love.
Conscious choice is opposed to the euphoria of falling in love. It is possible to love each other even after the feelings have gone. The question is to make the right choice in favor of love and respect for the interests of your partner. The main thing is to talk to your companion in his language.
The author identifies five languages of love: words of encouragement, time, gifts, help, and touch.
- encouraging words
Words of encouragement are one of the five primary languages. There are those to whom it is very important to be appreciated and praised in time. When such people are admired, they are grateful and ready for feats and any requests. For example, to instill confidence in your partner, you only need to praise him once again.
Praise and support help your partner feel their importance. They bring you closer, heal wounds and allow you both to achieve something in life. The right words inspire determination and set you up for victory.
It’s important to be able to admire not only the impressive results but also to believe in the possibilities of your beloved. Talk about the advantages, not the disadvantages. Then they will move mountains for you.
For someone who speaks the language of the time, the most important thing is to spend time together with each other. Being together means paying attention to each other, not just being around each other. When you spend time together, you should give your full attention to your partner, talking, and focusing on the other person, not creating the illusion of spending time together.
Often people misunderstand their partner’s needs. If your partner’s language is time, don’t rush to find solutions to his or her problems. You need to be able to show that you understand how hard and hurt your companion because he wants to understand. It is necessary to listen, empathize, and try to understand the thoughts, feelings, and desires of the other. Now, you can look here to find a good friend or life partner.
Sometimes learning to listen is almost as difficult as learning a foreign language. But to understand your partner, you will have to do it. Try not to advise, but to empathize. Try to understand, not offer a solution. Ask more questions and try to focus on the person, not their problem.
For many people, loving and giving are the same thing. So, for some, the visible symbols of love lie in gifts. Symbols have emotional value. In this case, the price of gifts is not important, because the main thing – is attention. You were looking for a gift, so you thought about the person and spent your time on it.
A person who speaks the language of gifts, their price is indifferent. That said, the language of skills is the simplest. You can buy some little things or make something with your own hands. Even your presence can be a gift. If you understand that you need this kind of attention, say it out loud. Perhaps your partner just doesn’t understand that it makes any difference to you at all.
If you feel like your partner isn’t helping and you’re tired of doing everything yourself, your language is helpful. For this type of person, helping is doing something for the other person. Help can be different: deal with the car, pick up from work, clean the apartment, or take the dog for a walk. When you help your partner, you are trying to please him or her by showing your love. After all, helping takes time and effort.
If it is really important to you that your partner help you with something that is causing you difficulty, and he does not understand it – ask. You only need to ask for help, not give orders. Also, don’t be offended if you don’t get help by default. Perhaps your companion has a different understanding of the world.
For some people, the only way to feel love is through touch. Such people need to hold hands and need to be hugged, kissed, and touched all the time. Tactile receptors for such people are defining. But be careful: not everything that you like, your partner may like, so it is better to ask him about his desires.
It is very important for such people to feel the physical closeness of the person. If your partner is from this group, the main thing you need to do in a difficult moment is to be there. In your embrace, the person will find more comfort than in any words of support.
How to understand what language you speak
When do you feel loved? If you can’t answer, you can go backward: what do you miss most in a relationship? What hurts and hurts you the most?
If the criticism and condemnation of the lover hurt the most, your tongue – the words of encouragement. If you are upset by the lack of flowers at home and rare surprises, your language is a gift. If it hurts that your boyfriend is always at work, and you spend little time together, your language is time.
Think about how you express love, and what you do in a relationship. Chances are, in response, you would like to get the same.
And do not be offended by your partner’s criticism. Try to take it the right way. It helps to identify your partner’s language; it’s his way of asking for love.
Why learn the languages of love
Sometimes it is essential to see the world through the other person’s eyes. All people have different needs, and that’s okay. Sometimes to save a relationship, it is enough to understand in time what is important for your partner, not just for you. Then you can support him the way he needs. Give people what they need, not you.